Dear MOAM,
Just about all of my friends are married and they are loyal to their husbands and they think their husbands are loyal to them (I don’t know any different). Historically, men are known to want more than one woman.
My question to you is, can a man be with one woman for years or is that unrealistic?
PESSIMIST
Dear Pessimist,
The short answer to your question is yes, a man can be with one woman (faithfully) for years. Before I give you a more detailed response, I want to say men seem to be stigmatised as the ones who can’t be faithful while in a relationship. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
On any given Friday night, there are three women I could contact [at some point during the weekend] who I could have sex with; two of them are married and one of them is in a 15-year relationship and is pregnant. Women just happen to be better cheaters than men and rarely get caught. So now that’s out of the way, let me address your question.
Believe it or not, there are still good men out there who can and do remain faithful to their partners. It may seem like there isn’t because a) the type of men you associate with b) some are incarcerated and/or dead c) the ratio of women to men is around 7:1 therefore the shortage, or at least the appearance of good men is probably minimised. A man who will be with only you is out there. He’s not a myth.
Dear MOAM,
My boyfriend has a hard time maintaining an erection. I feel that he is not attracted to me. He says that’s not the case. I can’t help but to take it personally, especially when he says it has never happened before. What could it be?
MAN DOWN
Dear Man Down,
I noticed you didn’t say, I feel that he is not attracted to me anymore. Should I assume he was able to maintain an erection all this time? Is your boyfriend of the age where he should start thinking about taking that blue pill? If not, then there could be numerous reasons why he can’t maintain an erection:
- He’s no longer attracted to you (sorry)
- He’s had sex with another woman or women before he is with you (sorry again)
- He’s overly tired from a hard day’s work
- He’s going through some things and he has a lot on his mind
- It’s a short term issue which will eventually work itself out
About seven years ago, I started seeing a new woman, very attractive and she had a nice shape. The first time we had sex was good. A few times after that, inexplicably I couldn’t get an erection. She would try to ‘assist’ me by giving me hand jobs, blow jobs or play with herself while I watched…..nothing worked.
We talked about it and she ‘convinced’ me to go see a doctor; which I did. After a brief conversation he prescribed Cialis for me. To be quite honest, I don’t know why I went to go see him and I don’t know why I took the prescription because I was seeing someone else at the same time and the sex with us was GREAT with no problems.
Strangely enough, the same issue popped up again when I started seeing my current girlfriend a number of years ago. I didn’t bother to go see a doctor that time around because I knew nothing was wrong with me physically. When I looked back at both instances, I can tie my inability of not being able to maintain an erection to what I was going through in my personal life (outside of my relationship).
My advice to you is be patient and understanding. Talk with him to find out if he’s going through anything in his personal life and or job. But don’t nag him. Do you live together? If so, wear some sexy, revealing clothing around the house every so often (no, I’m not referring to lingerie) – a trimmed wife beater with some boy shorts, thongs, etc. When he gets that erection, he will know. You just make sure you are ready!
Dear MOAM,
My man wants me to do things in the bedroom which I think are immoral and when I refuse he threatens to go and sleep with other women. I think he really is. Should I give in or should I leave?
ANGEL
Dear Angel,
If there are sexual acts/activities he wants to do but you don’t want to do them, then you are in the wrong relationship – leave him.
If he continually threatens to go sleep with someone else because you refuse to do the ‘immoral acts’, then you are in the wrong relationship – leave him.
How would you feel if you gave in to his desires to do those things which you consider to be immoral then didn’t enjoy it or felt guilty for doing the sexual acts? Would you continue to give in just to keep him happy? Put yourself, your happiness and your peace of mind first sis. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. However, with that said, here’s a little caveat you may or may not have heard before, “there is always someone willing to do what you don’t want to do”. There are women walking around who will do that freaky, immoral, hedonistic stuff that your man so desires; one or two of them may be friends or acquaintainces of yours. I’m not implying your man is sleeping around and getting his thirst for ‘immoral acts’ quenched by another woman. Nor am I trying to encourage you to do the immoral acts. It’s just a heads up. If you are only comfortable doing missionary and doggie-style positions, then find you a man who only aspires to do only those positions as well.
I have a question for you though, because I’m curious. Are the bedroom things immoral because your grandmother (mother) preached to you as you were growing up ‘good girls’ didn’t do those types of things or are they immoral because of your own beliefs? Don’t allow someone to make you do something you don’t want to do. Also, don’t allow someone to convince you not to do something because they believe it’s immoral. Believe me when I tell you, there are a lot of women walking around telling their BFF’s they don’t do ABC and they will never try XYZ BUT….but behind closed doors they do things that make Jada Fire seem like a school girl.
Do what YOU want to do and what will make you happy and satisfied – in and outside of the bedroom.
If you have a question you want answered from The Mind of A Man, email shehubtv@gmail.com.
