Have you ever had an Angela Bassett moment? Come on, you know what I am talking about! You remember that epic scene in Waiting to Exhale. Okay so maybe you don’t, after all, it was 1995. Nevertheless it was an Oscar-worthy performance.
Recap, Angela Bassett looking badass in her black lingerie, after putting her cheating husband’s clothes in his beautiful BMW, lit a cigarette and torched the car and walked out the scene as only Angela Bassett can.
Whether you’ve seen the entire movie or not, you knew this was a woman who was feeling bold and strong enough to liberate herself. I imagine women all over the world stood to their feet, celebrating and rooting for her to win.
Go get your very best life girl…
You ever felt like that, like you wanted to flush your whole life down the toilet and ask for a restart. Kind of like my kids when they play video games, they lose and get to restart. Can I get three lives too?
People at work won’t act right, kids won’t act right, spouse won’t act right, you feel me. When there is an important area in your life not functioning, it will infiltrate other areas as well and before you know it, you just want to set something on fire. Sometimes you can’t be mad at the people who just get up and walk away. Just put me in witness protection, please.
Starting over can be scary as heck. Uncertainty sets in, and any inkling of confidence you thought you had is quickly diminished just like a sunset. So, what are you supposed to do? There isn’t exactly a manual for starting over. How do you start over without being 100% positive that things will work out in your favour?
“Trust the wait.
Embrace the uncertainty.
Enjoy the beauty of becoming.
When nothing is certain,
anything is possible.”
Starting over takes a lot of courage and resilience. It also requires you to change your mindset to what is possible. So instead of embracing it from a place of fear, welcome the opportunity to celebrate what is to come.
Here are three things to consider when starting over.
1. Is the grass really greener? Most people focus on is the grass greener on the other side from a negative perspective. Starting off focusing on everything negative in your life gives the appearance that nothing is working. What if you asked yourself this question without doubt and fear? When I was contemplating separation, this came up for me. It’s definitely not a simple thing to go from a two-income household to a one. Not to mention a sudden change in my quality of life. I was so frustrated, which made the other side more tempting.
My solution was to make a list of the pros and cons.
I encourage you to do this multiple times until you have a list that truly matters to you. It is easy to say you want to start over without being fully aware of why. The first version of your list will probably be filled with superficial items. Be honest with yourself. It is the only way to choose what is best for you.
While I didn’t find that the grass was greener on the other side, I found that the potential for the grass to grow was a good enough reason for me to consider starting over. And I did.
2. Keep the end in view. What is the outcome you are hoping for? When I began Escape Your Mess, I knew that I wanted to position myself to coach women who felt like they had a bigger purpose in life, but unsure how to tap into it. After a year, it just did not feel right to me. My vision did not change, but how I wanted to present it to others changed. So while in my mind, I know we all have messy lives, it became important to me to come from a positive place.
Changing my company name from Escape Your Mess to The Purpose Minded Woman wasn’t going to happen overnight. It really meant starting over, new website, new Facebook page, new mail list, not to mention all the legal paperwork. It didn’t matter how much work I had to do because the outcome I wanted was my big WHY to drive the change. I want women to know that it is possible to say goodbye to being stuck, not having the time, fear, limiting beliefs and doubt and hello to new possibilities so they can fulfill their purpose and live a satisfying life. To me, that is worth starting over, and I’m happy with the opportunity to reach others
3. A false start doesn’t mean you can’t finish strong. How many times have you started something stopped and then came back with a vengeance? I read an article about Trayvon Bromell, a sprinter who had a devastating false start in the 60m final at the NCAA Indoor Championships in 2016, which resulted in him being disqualified. He came back to that same start a year later and set a record at the World Indoor Championships in Portland.
He said, “I did false start at NCs then, and now I’m a World Champion in an event that I don’t even know how to perfectly run yet.”
I love that he said he was a World Champion and didn’t know how to perfectly run yet. But he ran anyway. Whatever failures, disappointments or setbacks you have had in the past doesn’t mean you’ll have them in the future. You can finish strong, you’re a champion too.
Whatever change you are thinking about making, you can do it. You may not have all the answers, but as Marie Forleo would say, everything is figureoutable (yes, that’s the word she uses!). Be willing to examine yourself, make a choice for what you want most, and take action to get it.
I believe in you, now it’s time to believe in yourself. Whatever you want is not that far out of reach for the person who truly wants it, so as one of my coaches would say, just get the damn thing done.
Telanna is a businesswoman and personal excellence coach. Through her free resources and personal coaching, she helps moms manage their time effectively so can live out their purpose, by permitting themselves to do what they love.