Dear MOAM,
I am seeing a guy who wants to have a child and I really don’t want any more. I have one already. He has all of the qualities I want in a man but I think that this will be a dealbreaker if I tell him the truth. We can afford it but I don’t want to start over again and be stuck with a child. Should I tell him and risk losing him? Or have a baby to keep him?
TO BREED OR NOT TO BREED
Dear To Breed or Not To Breed,
“Should I tell him and risk losing him? Or have a baby to keep him?” —- can I ask you a question? Have you lost your ever loving mind? You NEVER, EVER, NEVEUUUURRRRRRR (that’s my Madea voice) have a child to keep a man!!!
First of all, women can’t ‘keep’ a man so let’s get that straight. I often hear some women talk about how they have the ‘goody goody’ and their man ain’t going nowhere. I say HA! When a man is ready to leave, no amount of money you have or no matter how good you think your vjayjay is, when he wants to leave, he’s leaving! Game, set, MATCH!
Secondly, let me be frank. He has all the qualities that you want but you don’t have all the qualities that HE WANTS! (That was some Monday morning coffee for you, wasn’t it?). What I mean by that is he wants a child but you don’t want another one. He wants the woman he is in a relationship with to be a mother to his biological offspring. You don’t want that, therefore you don’t have all the qualities he is looking for in a mate, partner.
Thirdly, what do you mean by “…..and be stuck with a child.”? Do the two of you have a rocky relationship where you think it may not last too long? Or do you mean you are at the age where you don’t any more children and wish to travel, etc. etc.? In any case, what if you decide to have a child to satisfy his wishes so you don’t lose him and then three, four, seven years down the road he leaves you? What then?
My advice to you is to sit down and have a talk with him [in person] and tell him that you don’t want any more children. If he decides to stay then it’s a decision he made knowing all of the facts. If he decides it’s a deal breaker and leaves, you wouldn’t be stuck with an unwanted child.
Dear MOAM,
My boyfriend revealed to me that he had sex with another man once just to see what it would feel like. I think that makes him bi at the very least. The fact that he was romantic with another male makes me sick but he says it was so long ago, seven years, that it doesn’t matter. I want to dump him but I love him.
IS HE BI?
Dear Is He Bi,
I’m far from being an expert on the bi world so I consulted Wikipidea. Wikipidea says, “…bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behaviour toward both males and females or romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity….”.
From the brief nonscientific research I just did, nowhere does it say one sexual encounter with the same sex does or doesn’t make you bi. I will say he was (is) bi curious.
If I was to answer yes, your boyfriend is bi, what would you do? You expressed your disgust at the very fact he was romantic with another male…you want to leave him, but you love him. Sounds like some women who say, “he hits me when he gets drunk and I want to leave him, but I love him.” Or “he’s always cheating on me and I want to leave, but I love him.” Sister Tina Turner said,
What’s love but a second hand emotion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart
When a heart can be broken
Let me ask you this. How has your sex life been between the two of you since he told you of his foray into same sex sex? What goes through your mind when the two of you have sex? Do you picture him being with another man? If you don’t, then what’s the problem? If you do….then what does love have to do with it because your mind is elsewhere when it should be on him making you feel good?!
Would it make a difference to you if he was the pitcher or the catcher? Or are you just disgusted all around? How would you feel if one day he asks you to try anal? My advice to you is to sort out your feelings towards bi sexual/gay people and leave love out of it.
If one of your female friends had sex for money just one time, would you consider her to be a prostitute?
Dear MOAM,
My girlfriend gave me permission to sleep with other women on one condition…she must be able to watch. I am down but I think that she will have a fit when she sees us in the hay. I’m not into cheating but this is an offer I may never get again and want to do it. Do I risk it or ignore the invitation?
HAVE FUN OR SHUN?
Dear Have Fun or Shun,
Do you want to exchange girlfriends? Your girlfriend is a freaKKKKKKK LMAO. But let me get serious now…
It’s good that you are seeking advice from someone before jumping into the sack with another woman even though you have permission to do so. Most dudes wouldn’t have given it a second thought. I rate you for putting your girlfriend’s feelings before your sexual satisfaction *fist pump*.
Why do you think your girlfriend will have a fit when she sees you in the hay with another woman? How did this topic come about? Have you been badgering her for a threesome and she caved in and agreed to this as a compromise? If this isn’t a situation where she reluctantly gave you permission, then go for it. If she reluctantly gave you permission, then I wouldn’t do it as it could hurt her, your relationship.
I noticed you wrote ‘other women’. Do I assume this isn’t a one time thing with the same woman; you can do it whenever as long as your girlfriend is there? Silly question but how would you feel if she became aroused and wanted to join in?
My advice to you is to have another chat with your girlfriend to ensure it’s what she wants. If she’s sure, then allow her to pick the female and make sure the female(s) she picks knows how to keep her (their) mouth shut!
If you have a question for the Mind of A Man, email shehubtv@gmail.com.
