HisVoice: A father’s plea to the mother of his teenage son

I have so many unanswered questions.

Every year I have 365 more questions . I will probably never get the answers to most of them, but that’s only making the unresolved issues harder to understand. Unfortunately now so much time has passed and we are on the verge of things going one way or another. We live in a world where we thought the 50’s and 60’s were behind us. They aren’t. This is one fashion I didn’t want to return. So here we are and our son is finding it difficult. I’m not going to put in all on you and I’m sure you put it all on me. I tried my best to make it amicable but it was never enough. The moment there was another child in the picture things changed. Up until then, and since then I have never given you any inclination that I was not going to be a key part of his life. Next thing was the worse epidemic that’s happened to Bermuda.. FAMILY COURT!!

Whilst the premise may be good.. there is absolutely nothing that helps families or is family oriented about it. Even after that I still went above.. yet again it wasn’t enough. Every time I asked you for more time with him it was some excuse. Still I persevered, watching our child go through things that he had no reason going through. You hold a grudge against me and let our son suffer. My hands were tied by you and the Non-Family Court.

I moved on with my life wanting to show him that things could be different . He began to pose questions I had no answers for. All I could do was do my best with the answers, careful not to paint you in a bad light. Unfortunately I wasn’t painted with the same brush. I got so many stories on how bad I was as a father that I could write a book. All of them were laughable though, considering he was with me when I was being such a bad father. Thriving I might add. Now here we are at this critical point where he’s turning into the next stage of life, in the new ’60s with limited access to the one person who can prepare him for it. Me, his father.

Am I allowed the time by you.. yes, on the eight days out of the month that I have him. Do you know how hard it is to parent eight out of 30 days? No, I don’t think that you do!

Yes, I am his parent every day, but actually having some sort of physical contact is what’s needed. This has always been a challenge, and it shouldn’t be. After all of this I remain focused on what’s best for our son. It’s heartbreaking as a father who only wants to see his child succeed.

I have never wanted to remove you from his day-to-day development, because I don’t like it, and he’s the one who will be hurt. Funny thing is you work so hard to cut me out of his life you don’t even go the extra mile to be involved in his to the extent you can be.

I mean, shoot, try going to a PTA meeting, or a parent teacher conference, or football game, or maybe even prizegiving . It must have been completely embarrassing for you to go to his graduation and none of the teachers knew who you were!! Yet you still blame me for that, or it’s not your fault cause you had to work or no transportation or it was raining or the goldfish had a cold.

All I want is for our son to be an outstanding member of the community and not just a statistic in an unfair system. I am more than prepared to give him those tools. I respect you as his mother, but you cannot teach or show him how to be a MAN! Especially when his father is the MAN!! So I guess the best question I have for you is WHY???

Signed,

A Frustrated Father Who Wants To Raise His Son