An open letter to every woman, from the man I strive to be.
As I begin, please allow me to apologise to you for my faults, for my errors in judgement, for my moments of being selfish. I know that I am not perfect, I never have been and I never will be. However, I sincerely apologise for all of the heartbreak, pain, stress and frustration that I as a man, have caused you as a woman. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. On behalf of all men, I am sorry.
As I sit here writing this piece the same question I have daily is repeated over and over in my head, “How can I be a better daddy?”
Do I believe that I am a loving, caring, present, supportive and encouraging father? Of course I do. However, my goal as a father is to be an even better daddy than I was the day prior. What does this have to do with you as a woman, mother and friend? All that I ask is that you allow me, as a man, to be the very best daddy that I can be. It sounds so simple, but trust me it can become complicated.
For me, becoming a father was something I wanted to do for as long as I can remember. My dream was to get married, have children and live happily ever after. As life would have it, things didn’t go as planned. Although I achieved my dream it wasn’t the fairy tale ending I thought.
I am now a father, with multiple children for multiple mothers. Do I wish I did things a little differently? Of course I do. Do I regret things? In all honesty, I don’t regret anything.
I have learned to see everything in a positive light. I genuinely love each and every one of my children. The mere thought of my children brings a smile to my face and inexplicable joy to my heart. I loooooooovvvveee my children and they loooooooovvvveee their daddy.
Mothers, please please please, let’s work together. I know that you want the best for the children and so do I. In order for the children to flourish, they must know and understand that both mommy and daddy love them, care about them and support them. As best as we can, let’s not argue in front of the children. As best as we can, let’s not let the children know we are upset with one another. As best as we can, let’s discuss things instead of simply trying to win. Trust and believe that if we come to agreements amicably, ensuring the children are the main focus, everyone will be better off.
Also, the children are not pawns. Keeping them away from us only hurts them in the long run. Yes, I know that you carried them for nine months and for that I am sincerely thankful. Yes, I know that mother’s are traditionally seen as nurturers and fathers are traditionally seen as providers. However, let us break the bondage of negative perceptions that are not beneficial. Right now I have one child laying to my left and one child laying to my right, because they both want to sleep next to daddy. You see, I as a father am nurturing and compassionate just like you as a mother.
I could write pages upon pages of suggestions, thoughts, ideas and possible solutions for how best to parent and co-parent. My ideas can be summed up in the following sentence, “Put the children first, respect one another, work together and lets be the best parents we can be regardless of the circumstances.” If we keep this in mind, rest assured that the happy, healthy and loving children we raise today will be the happy, healthy and loving leaders of tomorrow.
Kenten Trott is 33-years-old and hails from Bermuda. Currently a Police Inspector with the Bermuda Police Service, Kenten enjoys giving back to the community through organisations such as Support Public Schools and Cybertips. He loves spending time with his children, and in his spare time he enjoys travelling and racing motocross.
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