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HisVoice: Ziaa Scott ‘Perspective on cheating’

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As a businessman, I meet people daily. Sometimes, I feel I’ve encountered the women of my dreams.

But as a man, I have come to realise that no one woman is alike. Each woman I meet is significantly different and superior to the next, in her own way.

When I explain how she is superior, you may be able to see how she is different. Savannah is the woman who knows what to say and how to say it; the type of woman to make a shy man comfortable.

Her natural demeanour may seem flirtatious to most, and it brings out the insecurities of other women.

She was taught to present herself as a lady, and can hold an intellectual and charismatic conversation.

But from where I sit, she dominates the conversation in ways that pushes my back against the wall.

Never will she look through my phone, yet she questions the credibility of love that I show, constantly asking, “How much do you love me?”

Sometimes she says, “Tell me how much you love me.”

Hidden insecurities from seeds I didn’t plant, but the burden of the branch I have to carry if I want the relationship work.

A man by the name of Abraham once told me, “Every woman is only yours for a period of time. No woman is one man’s property.”

He said this to me while I was married, and I believed that my wife was being unfaithful. I looked carefully at my participation in and my commitment to the marriage, and what I could have possibly done different and there wasn’t anything that I could have.

I cooked, I cleaned, I provided, and I surprised her. But none of those things could provide the void I was required to fill. I was in love with her, but she wasn’t obligated to be in love with me.

My friend possessed characteristics just like her father—I couldn’t deny it. He was almost the same height, body type and had similar mannerisms. Her father’s attention was what she had longed for, but never received. Now standing in front of her is a man who can satisfy her void and pain, she said.

This is the justification for her reasoning?

In my perspective, cheating is a choice that people make and some have a greater urge to do so than others.

The urge. The difference between resistance and temptation.

More often than not, cheaters’ excuses are so cliché: “I didn’t mean too.”

Even I have used that phrase at least once. Love and cheating have nothing in common. You ever heard a person cheat and blame love? They don’t even blame themselves. The cheater will usually blame the other person, or create a lie.

The lie plays the role of fear, which hides the truth. I don’t know why people cheat but I do know people have personal reasons, especially when they feel that their desires that can’t be filled.

It’s vital that we try to forgive the cheater, not for their understanding but for our healing. And if we get the opportunity to receive closure don’t forget to ask the other person genuinely why they did what they did.

 

Ziaa Scott is a 20-something-year-old Bermudian, who is currently studying I.T. Support and Cloud Networking. He enjoys reading and writing in his spare time. He says he’s cheated and has been cheated on, but “no wrong is right.” 

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