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My boyfriend has an active profile on a dating app; is he cheating?



Dear MOAM,

I recently found out that my boyfriend of ten years has a profile on a dating app. He’s been a member since 2015. One of my friends showed me a screenshot. His name is changed but it’s his face and his profile is active. I am mad about this as I thought he was loyal. I want a man’s perspective. Is this cheating or am I making a big deal about nothing?


Dear Betrayed,

First, can you step aside for a minute. I need to speak to your friend for a minute. Yes, YOU! You need to mind your business. There was no need for you to tell her about her boyfriend being on some dating app. If it was meant for her to find out, she would’ve…without you POKING your nose in it.

OK, back to you, Betrayed. You are wondering if your boyfriend is cheating because he has a profile on a dating app. A profile since 2015. *pause* *pause* and another *pause*. Do you feel me glaring at you like Aunt Madea? Do you really have to ask that question? I mean, what other reason would he need to have a profile on a dating app? On the other hand, could someone be using his profile pic? I don’t know how dating apps work. Does the app show what area he’s in?

There’s one sure fire way to find out if he’s cheating. Catfish him (the profile). Set up a date. Actually, no. Do this. Converse with him for a few weeks, the usual get to know you crap. Tell him that you have a fantasy where you meet up with someone for a 50 Shades of Grey sexual encounter. LOL. Okay, no, don’t do that. Sorry, my imagination got the better of me.

Do catfish him and at some point set up a date. Have one of your friends be at the location the two of you are supposed to meet up. Your boyfriend tells you he is going out on the evening of your date, but if you can’t go, you will know something is up. If he shows up to the place you are to meet, then there’s your answer – he’s cheating. But don’t ask your friend over there to be at the spot. I don’t trust her.

Dear MOAM,

My husband doesn’t like sex as much as I do and it’s upsetting me. I think that I am attractive and keep myself looking good. We are both in our 50’s. I want to have sex at least four times a week and he says twice a week is more than enough. He’s been to the doctor and nothing is wrong. He assured me that he is not cheating but I’m starting to think that something is wrong with me. How can I not take this personally?


Dear Frustrated,

You are in your 50’s and you want it at least four times a week? You would do it more than four times a week if he was up to the task? Ohhhhhhh, so you want SEX SEX huh Esther! *high five*

Why do you think/assume his lack of interest in having sex with you has to do with your looks? Have you changed anything – put on weight, cut your hair or any other visible change? Let me ask you this. How often did you have sex with your husband when in your 30’s and 40’s? Has the frequency decreased or has he always been a twice a week man? He may not be cheating. Sadly, in some cases, a man’s sexual drive decreases as he gets older and 50 is the beginning of that decline. On the other hand, most women experience a surge in their libido as they age.

Try this. If you don’t already own one, purchase a sex toy. Pleasure yourself while he’s laying next to you. That would pique any man’s interest in having sex with his partner.

Dear MOAM,

I was in a tight situation and I needed some money. An ex-lover gave it to me and I haven’t told my current boyfriend that he has. I know he will not approve but I know he didn’t have it and I had to do what I had to do. When do I tell my boyfriend? My ex wants nothing in return; he just helped me out.


Dear Needed Help,

1. Why did you seek financial assistance from an ex-lover?
2. Why did you seek financial assistance from an ex-lover?
3. Why did you seek financial assistance from an ex-lover?

Do you know what you have done? You have castrated your boyfriend (figuratively of course). It would be a different vibe if you asked one of your ace boys or a male cousin but you asked an EX-LOVER….uh huh. No bueno! By asking your ex-lover for help, you told him that your boyfriend isn’t able to provide for you. You castrated him. You made your boyfriend less of a man to your ex-lover.

When do you tell your boyfriend? Humph! Tell him sooner rather than later.


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