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Permission to reset

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It is halfway through the year, and you probably feel like you’ve crushed the first six months of 2019 or it has really sucked. Most often we go into the new year putting high expectations on ourselves to do great things. We also carry the weight of the nosy people who want to see if we can fail.

I get it. The pressure is so real. It can be debilitating, which can cause you to rethink your whole life.

Have you ever found yourself just sitting, totally zoned out thinking WTH is going on with my life? You question every move you make and every little situation that comes up to the point that you start asking God, “What did I do?”

One thing after the other has shown up in my life without an invitation. Honestly, I’ve been frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, scared, and optimistic all at the same time. It sounds like a prescription for disaster, right?

Someone reminded me last week that what they liked about me was that I am resilient. That means I’m able to recover from difficult circumstances quickly and usually stronger than before. I hadn’t thought about it, but I guess that is probably a good thing.

So, what does all this mean, I don’t know.

No, seriously I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but whatever it is that is wrecking your life right now you are stronger than you think, and you’ve probably been here before.

We’re human, so of course, for a moment we want to scream, but then we get ourselves up, dust off our shoulders and remind ourselves that if we did it before we can do it again.

So, I’m going to look for the nuggets in this storm, what can I learn from it and how I can use it as an opportunity. I’m feeling better already, and I’m not just saying that I mean it.

Here are four practical questions to ask yourself.

1. Is this a situation I can control?

2. What is the opportunity in the situation?

3. What do I really want to happen?

4. How can I make it happen?

If you find yourself repeating the situation in your head, give yourself permission to stop and reset. That may mean meditating, prayer, or doing a centring exercise. Your thoughts control your feelings and feelings move you into action. If your thoughts come from a place of frustration, each step you take compounds the same feeling.

I had a client I was working with who had a job they loved and also was actively working to build a side business. His side business was important to him because he saw it as an opportunity to quit the day job and dive into self-employment. He would come home every evening and devote two to three hours nightly toward growing his business. And on the weekends, he was dedicating 20 hours to his new venture.

About six months ago, his day job had become emotionally and mentally draining. He was no longer able to work on his side business when he got home because he didn’t have the energy to commit. It took him all night to decompress from the toxic environment he was in all day.

Being in a toxic environment influences the thoughts, feelings, actions, and as we see from my client also your goals and future endeavours.

He was so overwhelmed by his environment that he decided he could no longer wait for his side business to grow to quit his job. He started to interview for new positions. While he was able to take action looking for a new job, he felt angry and guilty that he had not been working on his side business.

Through the coaching process, he was able to identify that while his side business was still important, it was no longer the exit strategy for leaving his day job. It meant that he didn’t have to feel guilty for not spending 30 hours a week on the business. Together we created an action plan for him where he only worked on his side business 10 hours a week, only on the weekend.

He was able to reset his goals and align them with what was currently true about his life. He was able to open his awareness of how working 30 hours a week on his side business was no longer effectively serving him. The extra time he used for strategies that helped him cope at work like more recreation and mediation until he secured a new job.

Our disposition toward not wanting to fail causes us to work against our best interest. We keep going until we implode. We must be willing to assess the direction of our life and determine if it is still the best direction. Asking yourself the four questions mentioned earlier can help you get clarity so you can finish 2019 strong.

Telanna is a businesswoman and personal excellence coach.  Through her free resources and personal coaching, she helps moms manage their time effectively so can live out their purpose, by permitting themselves to do what they love.  Find her on your favourite social media platform @escapeyourmess.

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