SheMail: How do I have the ‘sex’ talk with my teenage son?

Dear SheMail,

I found out through a friend that my 14-year-old son has had sex. I want to ask him so that we can have the safe sex talk, but he shared the information in confidence.

Do I not say anything and wait for him to come to me or should I find a way to pull the info out of him?


Dear Mom,

I believe you should broach the talk of safe sex with your son, but do it in a way that the trust between whom he confided in isn’t broken.  Some children know that they can talk to their parents about anything, but still feel a little anxiety to tell them they have engaged in sex for the first time.

When you want to have this talk with your son, try to create a relaxing atmosphere and have the talk maybe starting to say, “Son I know you’re at the age where you’ll be curious about sex so I want us to have a little discussion about it. I know you may feel a little awkward  talking to mommy about it, but I just want you to know I’m here. If you are interested right now about sex there certain things to know (i.e) condoms”

You can ask him if there is someone he likes or if he has kissed a female, maybe ask if he has certain feeling about a particular girl (i.e. having the flutters in his stomach when he sees a girl or imagines touching her and her touching him in a sexual manner)…you can give him books on it but let him know all the books in the world still won’t prepare him.

Let him know you was once a teenager so you are familiar with what he may be feeling. Keep in mind that he may still not tell you the truth; do not get frustrated, although it will be hurtful if the lie forms but give him that food for thought conversation nonetheless. If he isn’t truthful give him time to analyse your talk; he may not want to lie but he may just need to process your conversation further. At this particular age just be patient because teenagers are also finding themselves.

Be Patient. Be Open. Be Understanding.

Dear SheMail,

My sister’s man has been cheating on her for the majority of their time together. She always finds out but still stays with him. Recently she started seeing someone on the side and when her boyfriend found out he had a total meltdown and now is very angry with her. She is begging for him to forgive her. I think she is stupid because he was okay when he was doing his dirt. Why do men think there should be a different standard for them?

Way past annoyed

Dear WPA,

This question will forever be asked, for decades to come. Unfortunately, many men seem to have this embedded in their ego that it’s okay to do and it’s not acceptable for women to do the same.

There is the saying, “What is good for the goose is also good for the gander.”

Because your sister has allowed it for the majority of the time that she has been in this relationship, he has that learned the behaviour to do and have nothing done in return–

until she did it and he found out was more a shocker. That shock alone caused him to be unbalanced and unsure about their future as a couple.

Now that she is the one grovelling for his forgiveness he is getting her right where he wants her. By your sister doing this she is creating a bigger monster within him.   He may play on that begging factor, and his infidelity will reach a higher level but your sister still has the power to turn HER situation around, but she must want it.

Be Supportive. Be Loving. Be Honest

Dear SheMail,

I am seeing a guy who has made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship but says that he doesn’t want me to see other people. I know he sees other women. I have no problem with being committed but I don’t see why I should be when he isn’t. Should I walk away?

What should I do?

Dear WSID,

You seem confused. In one breathe you’re saying you have no problem being committed to a man that has fully admitted that he will not be committed but then in the next breathe you are saying you don’t see why you should have to.

Honestly, I don’t see why you should have to either. You are still SINGLE as he is.  If he is seeing other individuals and wants to remain single then you are also single, in reality. I can’t tell you that you should walk away, you need to make that decision, however I will tell you that IF you want a commitment from him or any man you should speak on it.

If the decision is that he wants to still see other people then the same applies for you. Many times men like to have multiple people in “their pocket”, so when one “acts up” they have someone else to play in their world. You need to look at your situation and decide, are you going to have that talk with him and let him know that because your still single as he, then you will also keep your options open like him? Or you going to be committed to a man that will have other women.  Only you know how much you’re willing to take.

Be Honest. With yourself & with this guy.


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