SheMail: Am I petty because I don’t like men with small penises?

Dear SheMail,

Call me shallow but I do not like when a man has a small penis. I don’t even want to sleep with him to find out so how do you think I should go about asking without sounding petty?  


Dear Size Matters,

No one has the right to call you shallow or petty. You like what you like and don’t have time for anything else. I have a friend who thinks the same way. Her favourite saying is, “No one is just gonna earn stripes from my coochie.”

Having said that, it totally depends on your personality or tactic. I would be cautious and say you can go out and have a rub or scrub in the club when dancing or even during some mild foreplay, your hand slips down to rub so you can gauge, but there’s a catch-22. Not always are those methods effective because sometimes your judgement is clouded and it may “feel” like you are bagging a winner but then when it comes down to the facts you simply miscalculated “the package”. 

So to avoid all of that you, can be blunt and say: “Listen I don’t have no time to waste and I certainly don’t want to waste your time either so I wanna see the goods before we go any further.”

Keep in mind he may ask for the same in return and then you may get a backlash of you being called names, but hey that’s reality. 

Now, having said all that, I know the stipulated rule is every girl wants someone of substantial size, but there are men with larger then most phalluses who do not know how to please a woman and there are men with smaller than average phalluses who can blow a woman’s mind and back out.  Other males possess the  “growing” factor. So it all depends on what risk your trying to take.  Nonetheless, go for it!
 Know your limits . Go for what you want. Have no regrets.

Dear SheMail,

How do I break it to my friend that I don’t like her child?  She is always taking my daughter’s stuff (she is three) which results in a fight. I try to just smile through the confusion but it irks me. I feel I don’t have the right to correct this child but her mother does nothing. I love spending time with my friend but want to do so without her child. How do I do this without hurting her feelings?


Dear Can’t Stand,

If you two are genuine friends, she shouldn’t get offended with you telling her that maybe she needs to handle her daughter’s behaviour a little better around other children nor should she have an issue with you correcting her child. I am not necessarily talking about spanking the child but you should be able to address her daughter’s behaviour towards your daughter.

Maybe the mom doesn’t see anything wrong with her child’s actions but for the betterment of your child’s peace, you should address it. If after you address it and there is still no change then maybe you need to consider finding a way to spend time together when there are no kids around.
Say something! Remember, it takes a village to raise a child!
Speak Up. Be Respectful. Take the Lead.


Dear SheMail,

I am quietly dating a guy who is dating someone else. He says they are not a couple but whenever I’m with him I feel like I am doing something wrong. Should I ride this out or hope that he decides to be with me in a proper relationship? 


Dear Behind The Scenes,

If they are not a couple then you shouldn’t feel as though you are doing anything wrong. You say quietly dating so does that mean you two do not do anything or go places together?  Maybe your intuition is telling you that he and the other female are more than just dating.

Instead of assuming, just carry on dating until you see where you want this situation to go. You never know, in time you may not want him as a longterm partner, however the minute you feel your feelings becoming stronger for this guy you need to let him know.

I would also suggest you put a time limit on dating him ‘quietly’ because the last thing you want to do is let this carry on for years and nothing changes. The last thing you want is to get stuck in a dead end situation. 

Remember your values. Keep your future in view.  Good Luck

Dear SheMail,

I have a new work colleague who always smells. I don’t think she bathes regularly. Don’t tell me to say something to her because that is one conversation that I am not willing to have as I do not know her that well, but it has to be addressed because most times we work the same shift.

Should I go to the boss? But if I do I think she will know it’s me who said something which may cause an attitude. What do I do? 


Dear Phew,

I think since you don’t want to address this personally then you should definitely inform your boss so this situation can be broached. Yes, this is delicate because you don’t know her circumstances. Are you sure she bathes irregularly or is this your view because that’s the only possible explanation for you?

She may not have the best living standards, or she may have a genetic disease that’s called trimethylaminuria (which causes a fish odour), which is typically presented at the time of birth. For individuals who have this disease they have to take more than normal care of their hygiene.

If that’s the case, maybe the company can have wipes and some deodorant there for her so can excuse herself and have a fresh wipe-down and reapplication of deodorant. At this point you shouldn’t assume that she will know it’s you speaking to your boss, but if you show empathy you shouldn’t get too much attitude.
 Be Patient. Show Encouragement


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