MOAM: He cheated. Would an open relationship be the answer?

Dear MOAM,

My boyfriend has cheated on me more than once. I love him, but I think that we should have an open relationship so that no one gets hurt. I’ve suggested that to him and he refuses to agree. I think he is selfish but what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Your thoughts?


Dear If He Can,

It appears to me that you are confused. Having an open relationship as a solution because your boyfriend has cheated on you several times, isn’t a “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” situation.

You cheating on him serval times and him finding out would be what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I’m not suggesting you cheat on him though, that’s for you and you alone to decide.

Yes, your boyfriend is being selfish but why did you suggest an open relationship? Why not just leave him? Have you thought the open relationship through?

• how many partners can he have?
• how many partners will you have?
• how often can he have sex with them?
• how often will you have sex with yours?

I suggest you think about having an open relationship through a bit more. Also, you may want to think about leaving him just as much.

Dear MOAM.

What does it mean when a man seems to prefer to only have sex with you from behind? Does this mean I’m ugly or unappealing?


Dear Questioning,

Yes, probably…it could mean that. Or it could mean that you are just a hit and he wants to get it over and done with quickly. But to be honest with you, you didn’t give me enough information, so I could give you a more insightful answer.

• have all (majority) of the men you’ve had sex with only wanted to do it from behind?
• are you having sex naked or is your shirt up, panties down to your ankles and he hitting it from behind?
• are you having sex in ‘public’ (somewhere you could get caught) so it has to end quickly? Doggie style is the best type of sex for that scenario.

Dear MOAM,

I have never had an orgasm during sex. I have been having sex for about five years with the same man. He is well endowed and I’m in love, but he can’t seem to hit the right spot. I can make myself ‘go there’ when pleasuring myself but nothing when I’m with him. Could it be that there is no emotional connection?


Dear Backed Up,

You’ve never had an orgasm during sex with ANY MAN or you’ve never had an orgasm during sex with the man you’ve been with for the past five years? If you’ve never had an orgasm during sex with any man then I’m not qualified to answer that question. If it’s only the current man, then yes, you probably don’t have that emotional connection with him.

Some men seem to think that the size of their penis is the be all end all of their sexual prowess/performance; this simply isn’t true. It’s far from it. However, I blame you women for that. I often hear and see comments by women talking about how they need a man with a big ‘tool’ to satisfy them. Look at the recent hoopla women made over Safaree’s penis video/pic! But I digress.

So, as I mentioned, your lack of obtaining an orgasm with your current lover could be attributed to there not being any emotional connection. Or, it could be something else. How long does he last during sex? Is he a minute man? Does he cross the finish line before you put your seat belt on?

If his stroke game is weak, do you love him enough to stay? Do you love him enough to remain faithful rather than go find you an average sized penis who can take you there?

Have you had this conversation with him? Does he know he doesn’t make you orgasm during sex? Another thing I blame some of you women for. You have guys out here who are well endowed walking around thinking just because they packing, their sex game on point. So what happens, the next woman they get involved with is all excited because her new boo has a big ‘tool’ but she soon finds out his stroke game is trash! Had his ex informed him his stroke game is lacking, maybe, just maybe he would try to get better. Instead, he walking around with blinders on. Poor sight!

Dear MOAM,

I have met a man who always offers me nice items after I sleep with him. He says that it’s not repayment for sex, but I feel like he sees me as nothing more than an object. I say no EVERY time but he still finds ways to work around it.

Once he paid my credit card bill off without me knowing. He says he is doing what a man is supposed to do, but it’s making me uncomfortable. I like him but I’m not understanding his antics. Can you shed some light?


Dear I Feel Cheap,

I don’t think he sees you as nothing more than an object. If he only offers you nice items after you sleep with him (have sex), I think he sees you as nothing more than a prostitute! Think about it, AFTER each time you have sex, he offers you nice things. What else could it be but repayment for sex? Why not offer you nice things on a none sex day?

Is his generosity making you uncomfortable because you aren’t used to that type of treatment? Look, you didn’t seek him out as a sugar daddy. You aren’t asking him for nice things. You tell him not to offer you nice things every time but he still finds ways to work around it. Since he will not stop offering you nice things after the two of you have sex, then leave him. Simple solution.

Hell, if I were you (but I can’t be because I’m not a woman), I’d have sex more often. What I want to know is – does he have a sister? How old is his mother? I can be a gigolo for two years. Shoot, as long as moms isn’t on an oxygen tank, I can make that sacrifice four times per week – credit card, mortgage, college tuition.


Dear MOAM,

Recently I found that my boyfriend was talking to another woman on Facebook. I hacked into his messages and saw that he was confiding in her and sharing intimate things with her. There is nothing to indicate that they have had any physical contact since she lives in another country, but I still feel betrayed. Do you consider this cheating?


Dear Hacker,

First of all, why did you find it necessary to look at his messages? Like seriously,why? And you have the nerve to say you feel betrayed. Girlfriend, you hacked into your boyfriend’s personal account. But you feel betrayed!

Anyway, no, I don’t consider it cheating. Maybe he’s confiding in her because he feels he can’t confide/talk to you about things. I don’t know how you could get him to confide in you without you explaining that you hacked into his account. Good luck!

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