He told me that he doesn’t want a relationship; but he acts like it

Dear MOAM,
I am seeing a man who told me from the jump that he did not want to be involved in a relationship. I accepted that and we began to see each other at his home. He is kind and attentive and we have a good time together. After seeing each other for a few months, I told him that I wanted more and if he did not want to give me that then I would walk out of his life. He said okay. Eventually, I told him that I did not want to lose him. He got mad at me and said that if I could change my mind that quickly that he did not want anything to do with me. He refused to listen to me when I said I made a mistake. Now he refuses to see me anymore.

How can I get him to believe that I accept that he doesn’t want a relationship but I am still willing to be with him?


Dear Don’t want to lose him,

Sigh (insert resting b$tch face), you played yourself!

He told you from jump that he did not want to be involved in a relationship. You accepted that. You were enjoying each other’s company doing whatever WITHOUT the ‘boundary’ of being in a relationship. You initially accepted that but then you wanted more after a few months, which is understandable. After all, sometimes feelings takes us where we didn’t think we would go.

Where you went wrong is you gave him an ultimatum – either be in a relationship with you or you are leaving. Even though he told you from jump that he didn’t want a relationship, you decided to present him with that ultimatum. Instead, what you should’ve done was sat him down, explained that your feelings had grown for him during the few months you had been together and was curious if he still felt that same regarding not wanting a relationship.

Your quick change of mind would’ve frustrated me but not to the point where I refused to see you anymore, something else may be going on there. My advice to you is to give him time and space. He will either come to his own realisation and accept that you are still willing to be with him in spite of him not wanting to be a relationship or he won’t.

My question to you, why are you selling yourself short? Why are you so eager to accept that type of ‘relationship’?

Dear MOAM,

I am pregnant with my boyfriend’s child and I have not told him because I am not sure if I want it. I know that he is not a life partner and I’m not sure if I want to be stuck to him for the rest of our lives. I know that I should have thought about that before we had unprotected sex, but it’s too late for that. Do you think a man should have a say in whether a woman should keep his baby? If I tell him, he will want this child.


Dear Stumped,

Yup, you should’ve thought about that before the two of you had unprotected sex, but it’s too late for that.

This is a tough one for me. I am all for women having the right to say what does and doesn’t happen with their bodies. On the flip side, that seed inside you is part of your boyfriend and he should have some say. You say that if you tell him he will want the child. Great. Wonderful news. However, what happens six months, or years down the road and he acts the ass? You’d be the parent ‘stuck’ raising your and his child on your own. Are you mentally and financially prepared for that?

I say don’t tell him and get the abortion if that’s what you want to do.

Dear MOAM,

I think my fiance’ is gay. He has a few gay friends and I have no problem with that, but some of his behaviours are making me question his sexuality. He spends a lot of time talking to his “friends” on the phone. I think they are more than just friends. I’ve asked him outright if he prefers men but he says he doesn’t. Is there a way to really find out for sure?


Dear Is he gay,

I think you already know the answer to your question if he’s gay or not. Sounds like you want confirmation.

But let’s examine that a little bit. He’s your fiancé, not your boyfriend but fiancé. On one hand you could be wrong regarding your suspicions regarding his sexuality. On the other hand you could be correct. Why would you want to marry a man you suspect is gay? Why would you want to have children for a man you suspect who’s gay?

To the best of my knowledge, there isn’t any way to really find out if your fiancé is gay. My suggestion, check his CD collection/playlist. If he has Madonna AND Beyoncé CDs/playlist, he gay! Or when you are performing fellatio, go on and toss his salad. If he squeals and puts his knees by his ears, he gay!

Dear MOAM,

My boyfriend never has money and I am tired of it. He works but he has a lot of responsibilities and that leaves him with little extra money. For the last six months I have been seeing another man, just for financial reasons. He spoils me and makes me feel like a queen. We have sex once in a while but it doesn’t mean anything to me. I just do it for the money. My sugar daddy knows I love my man and I ‘m not leaving him. My boyfriend has no clue what I’m doing. I want to tell him but my sister tells me I would be stupid for doing so. I have been honest with him our entire relationship except about this. Should I risk it all and tell him?



You get a resting b$tch face as well!!!

Your boyfriend has a job. He takes care of his financial responsibilities. Okay, so he has very little money left over once he takes care of his them. Will his responsibilities be around forever? Do you work? Are you dependent on him for money?

You have sex once in a while with this other man but it doesn’t mean anything to you. You just do it for the money. Hmmmm, there’s a name for that, I just can’t put my finger on it.

Have you really been honest with your boyfriend during your entire relationship about everything? Have you told him that you are tired of him not having any money every month? I’m not going to advise you that you should or shouldn’t tell your boyfriend that you are having sex with another man for money. I will tell you that whatever you decide, be prepared for the consequences.

Food for thought: Is your sugar daddy fixed? I hope so because what a predicament you would be in if you get pregnant.

If you have a question for the Mind of A Man, email shehubtv@gmail.com.

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