I am 47 year old woman and still living with childhood trauma because as a child I witnessed things no little girl should have to.
My father used to have multiple women… I was conceived during his relationship with my brother’s mother… I was actually born nine months before my brother.
Throughout my childhood I saw him date my mother and his now wife (a triangle)! I’ve seen him physically abuse my mother and his wife. I’ve seen my mother lock herself in the bathroom to get away from him…to the point of my grandma having to call the cops just to get him to leave. This happened several times throughout my childhood.I’ve seen him slap his now wife, after her questioning him for staying out the whole night… while she’s watching his two children (my brother and myself) while he was at my mama’s house. Crazy right?
His now wife (girlfriend at the time) use to drive to my house on many occasions cry/beg him to leave, only for him to ask her why the f**k is she coming down here looking for him . He would demand she leave…and then he would go back inside to my mama. All of this I witnessed as a child.
I’ve seen him come to my mama’s job to fight her, because she didn’t want to see him anymore.
Fast forward…he has three more children with his now-wife. Keep in mind he’s still seeing my mama (triangle!).
So now there’s five of us.
As children we got along, even right up to early adulthood…but then things shifted.
He goes away and gets married, but neglects to let my mama know, let alone me! We find out through the grapevine. So now that they are married, I started to notice that I was being treated differently, they (his wife and children) acted like I was raining on their parade.
They treated me as though I wasn’t a part of the family. They would have functions, and my children and I wouldn’t even get invited. I would find out after the event. My siblings have never invited us to anything—birthday parties, baby showers, wedding showers… nothing! But I invited them to everything.
Now fast forward a little, he starts seeing another woman, who gives birth to two more daughters, while married, and still seeing my mama (Triangle!).
My mama found out and finally decided to leave him for good.
The triangle remains, but without my mother. Now it’s him, his wife and my sisters’ mother.
I learn about the new children, but not from him, but from my mother. I turn to my paternal grandmother for confirmation, only to be told: “I don’t do rumours, and he hasn’t told me that.”
That was the first and last they was discussed. To this day he still hasn’t actually said, “These are your sisters.”
Years pass and my sisters’ existence still wasn’t talked about until my youngest daughter comes home one day and says, “Mama, the strangest thing happened today, I met this girl and she said she’s my auntie. She knew my papa’s name and you and all your siblings. Is it true?”
I told her to call her grandfather and ask him herself as he was yet to even confirm their existence with me.
She called him and after some hesitation, he answered her.
“Now that ya bullsh*t is on my doorstep, when are you having a meeting?” I demanded. “So all your children can know what’s what.”
“I can meet with you and your sisters, but I’m not telling my wife and my other children.”
Years later, my paternal grandmother passed away. My secret sisters never got the opportunity to meet her, their names weren’t mentioned anywhere, and although they attended the funeral, they were not allowed to sit with the family or even attend the wake.
When this happened I decided to embrace them and build a relationship. They didn’t ask for this.
Fully aware of times and opportunities lost with our grandmother, my younger sister eventually built up her courage to introduce herself to our grandfather. She was happy but the joy didn’t last long as our father called her and cursed her out for making contact with his father. Sick right?
Because of the relationship I’ve built with them, if you poke with them you’re poking with me, so I called my father to enquire why he cursed her out for something that she had every right and he retorted that I had no right to question him.
Ten minutes later, he appeared in my yard and next thing you know he was all in my face but I had news for him because I was not backing down and let him know that categorically. Nothing got resolved that day. All of this mess because of his triangle.
Since all of this I left Bermuda and relocated with my family to the UK.
I learned that my grandfather fell ill and was in the hospital for months—and alone because no one hardly went to see him. I was so disgusted. Here is a man who helped his wife raise her siblings because her mother passed when she was sixteen. This is a man who helped raise his wife’s niece as if she was his own. This is the man who helped raised my brother, who was conceived while my father was his then-girlfriend.
He has helped my father and his wife feed their children when they didn’t have food; my grandfather showed up and supported me and my children in EVERYTHING!
Yet he died alone.
My grandfather passed away recently and my father is still yet to tell me. But here’s the irony. My father never communicates with me but is always talking in the media talking about how ‘the community must live in unity’…all while his family is fragmented because of his triangle.
One of my sisters from my father’s ‘marriage’ accused my mother and I of being jealous of his life, but how can we envy a family that walks around like everything is perfect when it’s not. My children and I were even called ugly by her and her daughter. This is my reality. Because I was born into a triangle I did not create. How can a man who has abused his wife for years really pretend that he’s a righteous man?
How can a man be comfortable walking around with one family divided into three segments, and feuding…because of a triangle he created decades ago.