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How much time should pass before he moves on to new relationship?



Dear MOAM,

My boyfriend and I have been living together for over seven years and have two children together. One of my friends came to stay with us for a week with her three children. We let them stay in one of our children’s rooms down the hall from ours. After the first two nights, my boyfriend tried to get intimate with me and I told him no. I did not feel comfortable because my friend was nearby and I didn’t want her to hear us. My boyfriend says there was not a chance unless she was listening outside of our door, but I still refused. He was very angry with me and gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the time we had them there. He felt I was being silly. I felt he was acting like a hormonal teenager. Who’s wrong?


Dear No Means No,

I think the both of you were wrong. Answer me this.  Had your friend and her children had not been staying with you those few days, would you have engaged in sexual intercourse? In other words, had it only been your children staying in their rooms, would that had stopped you from having sex? Would you have been concerned that your children were going to hear you bumping and grinding? EVERY parent knows how to have quiet sex. You were wrong.

So you refused to have sex with your boyfriend.  I don’t agree with him giving you the cold shoulder. He was wrong.

Dear MOAM,

I am a 25-year-old virgin and I don’t want to be one anymore. I don’t have a boyfriend and don’t think I’ll have one any time soon, but I want to have sex with someone I date. What are the rules with the timelines? Should I wait a certain number of months or should I just go with the flow? Do I tell them I am a virgin? I don’t want to come across as loose but I don’t want to wait forever either. Help!


Dear Don’t Call Me Mary,

There aren’t any rules with the timelines regarding when you give up the goods, at least not in my book and definitely not in 2019.  My suggestion is go with the flow. At 25, I’m sure you know the BS and games some guys play.  Date a few guys. Get to know them before you decide on who to give it up to.

I’m in between minds if you should tell whomever that you are a virgin. I would say yes, tell him, but not right away.  Once you decide on who is going to deflower you, inform him a few days before YOU choose when it’s going to happen.

Dear MOAM,

My boyfriend and I broke up after two years together. He said that we drifted apart. I heard that he is seeing someone else and I am wondering why are men so quick to move on? I feel like I never mattered. I don’t feel like he cheated on me with her, but I cannot understand how he’s dating her and we only broke up a month ago. Why do men do this?


Dear Heartbroken,

First, I want to say sorry for your loss.  I have had my share of break-ups so I can relate to the broken heart.

Getting involved with someone else so soon after a break-up isn’t something that only men do.  Lots of women do the same thing as well.

How much time would you have preferred to pass before he started dating someone else in order for you to feel like you mattered to him?  Would you knowing you mattered to him ease your broken heart?  Do you need to feel that you mattered to him in order for you to have closure?  If you need to know, (if you haven’t done so already) then I suggest you have a talk with him and try to find out if you mattered to him.


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