Before making that crucial decision of entering into a committed relationship, would-be partners study themselves for a while to evaluate how compatible they are together. During this observation period, one of the things they look out for is warning signs – red flags.Red flags, as the name connotes, are unhealthy lifestyles or attitudes a person exhibits that are likely to cause problems in a relationship.
The vigilance for these warning signs does not end after committing. Most couples, while in a relationship, still keep their eyes wide opened for red flags and are most likely to reconsider the relationship if they spot any.
But red flags vary for many–what is a red flag for one person, may not be for another.
For celebrated Ghanaian radio and TV personality, Nana Aba Anamoah, there are five things she considers red flags while in pre-stages of dating or a committed relationship.
Gluttony: According to Nana Aba, a man who eats too much has no space in her life. She asserts that it is inappropriate for a man or anybody for that matter to consume large portions of food at ago. That, she believes, will drain not only their finances but the female partner who may be burdened with cooking all time round so as to serve the needs of her gluttonous partner.
“Why are you eating too much? You must eat in moderate portions. It’s probably not an issue for others but it’s a big deal for me,” she recently said on Accra-based Joy FM in her contribution to the topic ‘Red Flags in relationships’.
“That’s too much for me to handle,” she added and she is sure that she will jilt such a suitor, even before anything serious could happen between them.
Don’t just stop by to say hello without calling first!: Nana Aba Anamoah also considers unannounced visits by her partner or a potential one as a red flag. To her, such visits are unpleasant and disrespectful thus, she will not hesitate to chicken out of such relationship if her suitor or sweetheart continuously visits her without informing her in advance.
“Some people just turn up just because they are with you. They will show up at your office, they show up at your gate, no respect. That’s a big red flag for me.”
You want me to do what in bed?!: What is even more of an issue to her and a serious red flag is a man who expects her to practice wild sex styles with him that he has seen in adult movies. She makes it clear that she is not an adult movie actor to exhibit such wild sex skills and her partner should know better and not impose his crazy sexual fantasies he sees in movies, on her.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me!: Another “big” red flag for her is lack of respect on the part of her partner or potential one for others especially those below his rank or social class. She stated that she will not tolerate disrespectful people and thus, any man who disregards others especially those whom he feels are below his social status does not stand a chance of winning her heart.
“I can’t stand disrespectful people. If you can’t respect someone you think is down there, then you can’t respect anybody. You have no self respect and that is a big problem for me; a lack of respect for people you see as below you.”
And even if she is already in a relationship with such a man, she will not think twice dumping him. She believes such men cannot change from their disrespectful behavior and are definitely going to mistreat their partners.
“It’s in their DNA, you can’t do anything about it. They just feel they are at a certain height so any one below them should be treated with disgust and I have to run because he’ll do it to me at some point.”
Nana Aba Anamoah recounted how she ghosted a man she was seeing after he disrespected a waitress.
She shared that she was so attracted to this man and had gone on a number of dates with him, hoping to make him the love of her life, but her affection and admiration for him turned to disgust after he treated a waitress disdainfully while they were on a date.
After the incident, she blocked him from contacting her and cut all ties with him, she recalled.
Leave the past behind: Dwelling on past relationships is also a red flag for Nana Aba Anamoah. For her, once one decides to enter into a relationship, they are expected to focus on building it and not dwell on past relationships. She added if her partner cannot get his past romantic affairs off his lips, it means he is simply not done with his past and certainly, will jilt her should a chance presents itself.
“Why can’t you focus on this relationship. Why are you dwelling on the past? Why are you comparing me with previous relationships?” she quizzed.
Abdul-Gafaru Ayamdoo Salifu is an Accra-based freelancer. Have a story you’d like featured on SheHUB Ghana, email him at email@example.com.