From the mind of a man: Do I allow my man to sleep with other women…or lose him?

Dear MOAM,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and now he has announced that he wants to sleep with other people but still be with me. I do not want to do this but he’s saying that I need to accept it or he will leave. I don’t want to lose him but I don’t think I can deal with this. My friends tell me that I should not accept it but I love him. I can’t believe he’s making me make this choice. I feel inadequate, but he’s saying the sex is great, he just wants to explore. What do I do?

Hanging On

Dear Hanging On,

You say that don’t want to lose him but you don’t think you could deal with his desires. Sweet pea, you’ve already lost him. He wants to sleep with other women instead of being monogamous with you. What do you do? You leave him. It’s that simple.

Why torture yourself? You may love him but isn’t it as equally important for him to love you and only you?

Dear MOAM,

Me and my girls went on vacation in Jamaica and we had a good time. We drank a lot and misbehaved more than we should have. I met a beautiful man who was staying at the same hotel as us and one night one thing led to another…three times in five days. My girls know but they promised they wouldn’t tell anyone. Now one of the them have fallen out with me and she’s saying that she will tell my boyfriend if I don’t. I’m so mad with her and I know she will go to him. Do I tell him first or hope that she’s bluffing?


Dear Stella,

I thought your story was only going to be about some wild one night stand type of sex…until I got to the end. Boyfriend?! GUURRRRRLLLLLL *snaps fingers three times while waving my hand back and forth and clutching my invisible pearls*. Haven’t you learned that if more than one person (you) knows, it’s no longer a secret? And that a promise is a comfort word for fools?

I honestly don’t know what advice to give you. Can she prove that you were wilding out in JA with a ‘beautiful man’ (what a weird way to describe a man)? Will your other girls keep your secret or will one of them back that witch up? You don’t have any tea on her? Fight fire with fire…I’m sure that hoe is hiding something she doesn’t want revealed.

She could be bluffing. I say don’t tell but BUT be prepared for the consequences just in case she betrays you. Take it to Jesus in prayer and ask for guidance

Dear MOAM,

Why do men allow their baby mamas to run their lives? Every time me and my boyfriend are going somewhere his child’s mother finds a reason to inconvenience us. I am tired of it to the point that I am thinking about leaving him. I have no problems with him supporting his child but she takes it too far. How do I get him to see that he needs to have balance in his life and not to run whenever she calls and she is being manipulative?


Dear Irritated,

Have you ever considered that he may want to be manipulated by her…that he pines for her? How long have they been apart? How old is the child? He should be old enough to know that he needs balance with you and his child if he intends on building something with you. You may want to leave him.


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