Recently a friend reached out to me. She just needed to vent. She has been involved in a relationship with someone for a awhile but doesn’t seem to realise that in fact, she had been in a relationship with herself most of the time.
While she rarely feels that any of her basic needs are met, she bends over backwards to ensure that all of his are. Sounds familiar? I know some of you are saying, “Wow she is talking about me!”
And the fact of the matter is, YES I am! There are a number of us, whether we want to admit it or not, have been HER; the female who pays the bills, provides the car, feeds them and caters to their every whim–including paying for their children when they should be doing it themselves.
No judgement, because we all have to live and learn. But how much time do need to waste before we wake up and see things for what they are? For some it takes longer than others, years even. Why?
Because we often make the mistake of living in ‘hope’.
“I have so much I want to do with him, I just hope he gets himself together.”
“I hope he loves me like how I love him one day.”
“I hope that he will see his worth.”
“I hope that he can see how good how I am for him!”
How many times have we said THAT?
There’s a fine line between stupidity and unconditional love and yes there have been more occasions that I care to admit that I truly could not delineate between the two. I remember being made an absolute fool of on a number of times by the same person, but still I tried to convince myself that things were not how they seemed. I was living in hope.
NO, Carla, you were living in the great land of denial!
When the person who you consider your partner, puts their needs before yours in almost every situation you encounter, you must pay attention.
When you want to discuss what you need in the relationship and all they care about is what you can do for them, it’s time to evaluate WHY you are even together.
It’s not a easy process and heck it’s definitely not painless ‘cause we all know, the truth can hurt like hell! But the freedom that comes out of the bravery to step away from ‘hope’ is priceless.
Weeks after her first admission of feeling emotionally deprived, my friend and I talked again. And nothing had changed, She was still bending over backwards and he was giving her nothing in return…no let me correct that; he was giving her just enough to keep her hanging on. But not enough to satisfy her.
But she seems resigned to holding onto something that ceases to exist out of hope that it will indeed get better.
It’s time to break the trend ladies. Stand tall and straighten that crown. You are a Queen and living in hope is not going to get you any closer to your dreams. Reality is where it’s at.
You are loved.
~CarlaSZ
