Ladies, how many times have you been in pain? Not from an illness or injury, but the kind of pain which seizes your heart and your mind (throws my hand up in air. Make that two!)? How many times have we said, while experiencing the pain, that we are okay—when we aren’t. I know I have more times than I care to admit.
Where does that get us? On a slippery slope which leads to a dark hole because we are often times forced to live two lives; one for inside of the house, and another in our communities. Who remembers the last time they ran in the bathroom so they could burst into tears?
Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend who had been deeply hurt by a partner. They each have moved on in their respective lives. Or have they? While he appears to be happy and doing well in his new relationship, she is stuck festering in anger and hurt. Sound familiar?
He has a new relationship with all the trimmings, yet she is sitting home unhappy because of what he did to her. Time passes. Months turn into years. And she is still stuck in her emotional quagmire. But she owes it to herself to be free!
This is something that happens all too often because we refuse to be true about what we are really feeling. Like being angry or upset is some sort of sin. What I’ve come to learn over the years is that it IS okay to express emotion, even if others don’t like it. As long as you are being true to yourself who cares what others think. This is your journey and you have every right experience your range of emotions, but above all you owe it to yourself to heal.
There are too many casualties of love war and soldiers are scattered everywhere. They just aren’t always readily recognisable. So how do we win, ladies?
• Acknowledge the pain exists (to yourself)
• Don’t be afraid to say that you are hurting (to others)
• Seek healthy ways of healing
• Forgive YOURSELF (because we always find a way to blame ourselves)
• Forgive the person who hurt you
• Take a break. From everything
• Spend some time reflecting on what your positive attributes are what would you like to improve about yourself
• Understand it’s okay to be alone (many of us struggle/struggled with this one)
• Realise that you are a good person. Mistakes are not a life sentence
• Do not inflict your pain on others, especially the ones who don’t deserve it
• Seek counselling or therapy if you need to. There is nothing wrong with receiving help to get you through a rough patch
We cannot allow ourselves to be seized by yesterday any longer. The clock does not tick backwards. We need to stop allowing others to control our future, no matter how difficult it may seem.
You are loved.
Carla S Zuill